I'll Be

penned on May 29, 2009

I need
I want someone pure
In the most sense of the word
Freed from the torment of the past
Sees the world and life for the beauty that they are
Despite the vandalism
Hopeful, faithful, patient
I'll be patient

She will be pure and wisely innocent
Knows the world and lithe with inner charisma
Yet firm against the masses
And their shallow current
I'll be faithful

I will be pure
Breaking free from my torments
Tasting the beauty and restoring the blemished
With wisdom
Agile yet sturdy
I'll be hopeful


-Neil Abellanosa

On Rules, Incentives, and Wisdom

I am pleased to announce the launch of my business, SAKA fitness.
The website explains the basics of what it is: www.sakafitness.com
Tell your friends!

On Creativity

Creativity seems elusive and like a rare creature we have to hunt down only to discover that it might be the wrong, though similar, creature. And we have caught impostors, or so we think. Our end product looked different from what we've been told it should. So we doubt and hesitate. Thus, some of us recluse to being satisfied with merely gawking upon this creature when we do find it in the wild, or marvel at the successful hunters who were either lucky or talented. At the thought of these hunters, we wonder ourselves if we have the talent. Is it inherent? Is is latent? Can it be learned? Earned? Or is it merely the luck of the draw, a gene to be born with or without?

But God

This was a piece created for C3SF Easter 2008. It was written in the month of March 2008.

The choreography was done by Patricia Diaz, and Visual Effects were by Sam Crayne. I am so blessed to have worked with such amazing people who are even better friends.

But God

God, my God
Why have You forsaken me
I am buried in defeat
I can't sleep
I can't find peace
I can't smile
I can't love

Everyone loathes me
They laugh and point
And my back bleeds from the stabs
They mock You in front of me
And they sneer at my helplessness

Every part of my body is aching
Inside and out, it throbs
I've failed too much
A sinner, a failure
I am caged within myself
A sideshow attraction

I'm done
God, come rescue me
Don't let them finish me
Find me now
This is it, my rock bottom
I give it all up to You
Come save me
I put my life in Your hands
I am completely Yours
I'll die to my old self
I release control
I admit
I believe
I confess

I take a leap of faith
Yet brewing revelations
Emit glimmers of light

I am born again
Out of the ashes of my past God breathes new life
And I am renewed

Fully conscious and aware
I attempt to comprehend how my sins are as far as the East is from the West
But I am dumbfounded

I attempt to understand the fullness of God's grace that encircles me soothing old bruises
But I am speechless

I offer Him my broken heart
With secure and gentle hands
He accepts
And like a sudden spring rain I receive living water
Quenching my spirit

Now I walk with my Saviour
Eyes anew seeing the world like never before

My past comes to taunt me
But God has made me a new creation
The old is gone, the new has come
My flesh fights for indulgence
But God's Spirit gives life and the flesh
Counts for nothing
The enemy launches darts of lies
But God has given me the belt of truth, the shield of faith
And the authority to overcome the power of the enemy
Nothing will harm me

A haunting past
A sinful nature
And a deceitful enemy
Allowed for hell on earth
But God You have given us Your only Son
That whoever believes in Him will not die but have eternal life

Now I run the race in communion with You God
As my steps are guided by the Holy Spirit
I live a God-given abundant life
The joy of the Lord becomes my strength
As we go to make disciples of all nations
Teaching and baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit
I live a life in utmost adventure
Knowing I have submitted my will to Your perfect one

And when I look back at the death of my flesh
At the lowest point of my existence
I see
That my God, my God has not forsaken me
But You have answered me
And I will declare Your name and praise You
For You have not hidden Your face

I thought You didn't hear
But God You listened
I thought You didn't see
But God You witnessed
I thought You didn't care
But God You cried

God
Oh God, Your love freed the world
In Your love You gave me choice
And when I chose to turn away from You
You saved me through love
In Your Son, Jesus

When He hung on the cross bloodied and betrayed
The devil rejoiced for He thought the war was his
But God on the third day
But God on that glorious day
All this was possible for Jesus rose

He is risen
He is risen

-Neil Abellanosa

To Be Loved

To be loved like that
In that magical way
So special in its place
It demands better word play

I want

Another word not so simple
Not so used
Something indescribable
Inspired by a muse

Whatever that love word is
I want it
I want it so I can give it
And live it
So I can say it
And believe it

To tell her
To whisper
But still I wonder

If I'll get it

I get livid
With the thought of my heart
Going frigid

However

My heart is kept warm
By the welcomed swarm
Of another love platonic
Keeping my life going
At supersonic
Yes
Past the sound of doubt
The yells of lies
And cries
Of hopelessness, of defeat
That may knock me
Off my feet
But I won't retreat

Yes, it's not from her
But it's from them
Fruits of my requiem
Gifts from God

She's coming

But until then
Love is love
Friends are friends
And God is love

-Neil Abellanosa