But God

This was a piece created for C3SF Easter 2008. It was written in the month of March 2008.

The choreography was done by Patricia Diaz, and Visual Effects were by Sam Crayne. I am so blessed to have worked with such amazing people who are even better friends.

But God

God, my God
Why have You forsaken me
I am buried in defeat
I can't sleep
I can't find peace
I can't smile
I can't love

Everyone loathes me
They laugh and point
And my back bleeds from the stabs
They mock You in front of me
And they sneer at my helplessness

Every part of my body is aching
Inside and out, it throbs
I've failed too much
A sinner, a failure
I am caged within myself
A sideshow attraction

I'm done
God, come rescue me
Don't let them finish me
Find me now
This is it, my rock bottom
I give it all up to You
Come save me
I put my life in Your hands
I am completely Yours
I'll die to my old self
I release control
I admit
I believe
I confess

I take a leap of faith
Yet brewing revelations
Emit glimmers of light

I am born again
Out of the ashes of my past God breathes new life
And I am renewed

Fully conscious and aware
I attempt to comprehend how my sins are as far as the East is from the West
But I am dumbfounded

I attempt to understand the fullness of God's grace that encircles me soothing old bruises
But I am speechless

I offer Him my broken heart
With secure and gentle hands
He accepts
And like a sudden spring rain I receive living water
Quenching my spirit

Now I walk with my Saviour
Eyes anew seeing the world like never before

My past comes to taunt me
But God has made me a new creation
The old is gone, the new has come
My flesh fights for indulgence
But God's Spirit gives life and the flesh
Counts for nothing
The enemy launches darts of lies
But God has given me the belt of truth, the shield of faith
And the authority to overcome the power of the enemy
Nothing will harm me

A haunting past
A sinful nature
And a deceitful enemy
Allowed for hell on earth
But God You have given us Your only Son
That whoever believes in Him will not die but have eternal life

Now I run the race in communion with You God
As my steps are guided by the Holy Spirit
I live a God-given abundant life
The joy of the Lord becomes my strength
As we go to make disciples of all nations
Teaching and baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit
I live a life in utmost adventure
Knowing I have submitted my will to Your perfect one

And when I look back at the death of my flesh
At the lowest point of my existence
I see
That my God, my God has not forsaken me
But You have answered me
And I will declare Your name and praise You
For You have not hidden Your face

I thought You didn't hear
But God You listened
I thought You didn't see
But God You witnessed
I thought You didn't care
But God You cried

God
Oh God, Your love freed the world
In Your love You gave me choice
And when I chose to turn away from You
You saved me through love
In Your Son, Jesus

When He hung on the cross bloodied and betrayed
The devil rejoiced for He thought the war was his
But God on the third day
But God on that glorious day
All this was possible for Jesus rose

He is risen
He is risen

-Neil Abellanosa

On Demand

When artists express their experiences, hurts, triumphs, ecstasy, pain, and loss, it moves people who at some time in their lives have experienced, are experiencing, and will experience similar circumstances.

When expressed at the time of experience, the product is in its most powerful emotionally because it tells of the actual feelings as they come, as they impact the artist. It's a live feed straight to the heart.

However, when the experience has passed and healing has happened or time has softened and/or buried the experience, the artists' expression changes. They now write of new ones or express the past in retrospect, which emotionally, is not as powerful. It has however, other appeals and pluses such as its capability to teach.

A problem arises when the expectation of viewers, listeners, readers, and the like, demand the same sort of expression that artist was able to express at the time of experience. The audience wants the same live-feed again, a logically improbable scenario.

The artist struggling and wanting to please, may resort to denying the healing, or recreating the past, knowing their expression is at its zenith with the live-feed.

As receivers, we are meant to not only appreciate the expression as it came, but also appreciate the change and progress of the artist. We should not demand the identical expression over and over. We should not pressure the artist to deny their healing and to "scratch the scab".

The beauty of art as an expression of the human condition is that there will always be new artists and new expressions of the ever-similar human condition. As receivers, there are always new expressions to discover. This healthy cycle can only add to the variety, freshness, and growth, of the art ecosystem.

So grow with your artist. Apart of together, just grow. And go forward with God.

penned 09.2008