But God

This was a piece created for C3SF Easter 2008. It was written in the month of March 2008.

The choreography was done by Patricia Diaz, and Visual Effects were by Sam Crayne. I am so blessed to have worked with such amazing people who are even better friends.

But God

God, my God
Why have You forsaken me
I am buried in defeat
I can't sleep
I can't find peace
I can't smile
I can't love

Everyone loathes me
They laugh and point
And my back bleeds from the stabs
They mock You in front of me
And they sneer at my helplessness

Every part of my body is aching
Inside and out, it throbs
I've failed too much
A sinner, a failure
I am caged within myself
A sideshow attraction

I'm done
God, come rescue me
Don't let them finish me
Find me now
This is it, my rock bottom
I give it all up to You
Come save me
I put my life in Your hands
I am completely Yours
I'll die to my old self
I release control
I admit
I believe
I confess

I take a leap of faith
Yet brewing revelations
Emit glimmers of light

I am born again
Out of the ashes of my past God breathes new life
And I am renewed

Fully conscious and aware
I attempt to comprehend how my sins are as far as the East is from the West
But I am dumbfounded

I attempt to understand the fullness of God's grace that encircles me soothing old bruises
But I am speechless

I offer Him my broken heart
With secure and gentle hands
He accepts
And like a sudden spring rain I receive living water
Quenching my spirit

Now I walk with my Saviour
Eyes anew seeing the world like never before

My past comes to taunt me
But God has made me a new creation
The old is gone, the new has come
My flesh fights for indulgence
But God's Spirit gives life and the flesh
Counts for nothing
The enemy launches darts of lies
But God has given me the belt of truth, the shield of faith
And the authority to overcome the power of the enemy
Nothing will harm me

A haunting past
A sinful nature
And a deceitful enemy
Allowed for hell on earth
But God You have given us Your only Son
That whoever believes in Him will not die but have eternal life

Now I run the race in communion with You God
As my steps are guided by the Holy Spirit
I live a God-given abundant life
The joy of the Lord becomes my strength
As we go to make disciples of all nations
Teaching and baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit
I live a life in utmost adventure
Knowing I have submitted my will to Your perfect one

And when I look back at the death of my flesh
At the lowest point of my existence
I see
That my God, my God has not forsaken me
But You have answered me
And I will declare Your name and praise You
For You have not hidden Your face

I thought You didn't hear
But God You listened
I thought You didn't see
But God You witnessed
I thought You didn't care
But God You cried

God
Oh God, Your love freed the world
In Your love You gave me choice
And when I chose to turn away from You
You saved me through love
In Your Son, Jesus

When He hung on the cross bloodied and betrayed
The devil rejoiced for He thought the war was his
But God on the third day
But God on that glorious day
All this was possible for Jesus rose

He is risen
He is risen

-Neil Abellanosa

To Be Loved

To be loved like that
In that magical way
So special in its place
It demands better word play

I want

Another word not so simple
Not so used
Something indescribable
Inspired by a muse

Whatever that love word is
I want it
I want it so I can give it
And live it
So I can say it
And believe it

To tell her
To whisper
But still I wonder

If I'll get it

I get livid
With the thought of my heart
Going frigid

However

My heart is kept warm
By the welcomed swarm
Of another love platonic
Keeping my life going
At supersonic
Yes
Past the sound of doubt
The yells of lies
And cries
Of hopelessness, of defeat
That may knock me
Off my feet
But I won't retreat

Yes, it's not from her
But it's from them
Fruits of my requiem
Gifts from God

She's coming

But until then
Love is love
Friends are friends
And God is love

-Neil Abellanosa

Faithfulness

Faithfulness
Is tested again and again
Faithfulness fights
Against justice
Justice seeks and demands
An expectation
The proper reaping
For the sowing
No more
No less
But
Faithfulness is
Loyalty
Along with the notion of
"For better or worse"
Faithfulness is more than
Just a little faith
It's fullness of!

To travel to places uncharted
To venture into the unknown
One of fear's origins
To face something that's yet
To turn around and face you
To adventure is to be faithful
To fight is to be
Faithful
Faithfulness is to
Overcome

-Neil Abellanosa

A Word to the Down

You gotta bounce back when you feel glued to your bed
Bounce back, when books you're left with, are ones you've read
Time is on your side, convince it

You gotta stand up though everything's on top of you
Stand up, though you haven't got a clue on how to
You're taller than you think, smarter than you are, own it

You gotta walk on though you think you've been left behind
Walk on, though worries have left you almost blind
You're closer than you think, faster than you are, believe it

Life's not over, there's still plenty left
There's always a joy yet to be found, more steps to the ground
You are a joy to be found, the steps to someone's ground

You gotta dream on though you've had sleepless nights
Dream on, let them fly higher to the skies
Time is on your side, convince it
C'mon, do it


penned 10.19.08

Depths

I am at the depths
Deep below where there is no light
The pressure is heavy

It is too far to swim up
And I am running out of air
My eyes hurt
And my head is about to implode
The bottom is death
And it is inviting
It is inviting me to look down and accept

It is my fault that I am here
It is my fault I am this deep
I need to be saved
I need to be lifted
Take me to the surface and breathe life into me



penned on 9.29.08

Give Up!

Give up! Give up. give up...

Every time we hear those words, we right away associate it with quitting. However, quitting and giving up are two completely different things.

Does giving up mean surrender? Yes,

Does giving up mean relinquishing control? Yes.

Does giving up mean quitting? No.

So what does it mean?

Let's look at the words, give... up.

Giving... up.

You know, there's too many words today that are misused to the point of redefining it. Someone uses the word the wrong way, and somehow it catches on. There are tons of examples for this, but that's another blog post.

So let's get back to those two words, give...up.

Give = 1) to place in the hands of... 2) to bestow... 3) to administer 4) to devote or apply completely... 5) to entrust to another... 6) to convey or offer... http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=give

Up = 1) In or to a higher position... 2) In or to an upright position... 3) completely and/or entirely... http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=up

THUS, as you can see giving up does not mean forgetting about it, or letting it go to trash, or failing, or most importantly, quitting.

It means, as the definitions suggest, to place in the hands of a higher position, to entrust something to a higher place, and to bestow and relinquish control to a higher position.

That my friends, is what giving up means. It means to give it to someone or something of a higher position... and that means God. Who else is higher than all your troubles, all your worries and problems? Who else has control amidst chaos, grace amidst transgressions, order amidst lawlessness, and love amidst abhorrence and evil? Only God.

So starting now, let's use this phrase the right way and spread the news!

Giving up means letting God take over. It means admitting that we can't do it alone by our own might. It means acknowledging that He has the better plan and purpose for our life. It's thanking, praising, and worshiping Him when trials come because we already have the victory in Him and all we have to do is stay faithful and strong to win the battle.

He'll never give us something we can't handle, but the key is how we handle it.

Only then will you experience true freedom. The freedom from the slave masters of this temporary world that we foolishly and overly concern ourselves with to the point of being bound.

An amazing friend once told me,

"God never gives you trials that you can't handle. And He allows them for you to realize that in the end, it's only Him that truly matters; that amidst all the madness, the best thing and the only thing to do is thank and praise Him. For some, this takes hitting rock bottom to realize which things truly matter, but the cool thing is, we get to pick our rock bottom."

She's right, all we gotta go is give up.

I'm out, PEACE

written 2006